We publish here the testimony of a Buddhist after his recent conversion to the Catholic Faith.
Francisco Xavier
Missionary Priest in Taiwan
2014-8-24
As a teenager I’ve rebelled against the Catholic Church and Christianity in general.
I went into the dark side of occultism, from which I’ve gained nothing but depression, misery, and darkness deepening within my heart. Later I’ve realized how insane it was to follow such practices, or even read about them.
I have found Buddhism. I thought I have found truth. After about 15 years of Chinese Buddhism (Pure Land and Ch’ang / Zen) I also started intensive study and practice of Tibetan Buddhism under two Lamas (one of Karma Kagyu sect, another of Nyingma sect). Instead of becoming a better person there were only feelings of almost compulsive separation from others, overwhelming tiredness, and even thoughts of rejecting my own family, leaving my son and wife, etc. There was no peace. If any at all, it was momentarily. Nothing positive that I can recall. I also tried Sanatana Dharma (Hinduism) for about 6 months, and although their writings are inspiring to some extent, their practices are foreign and rather unacceptable to me. I was left empty, unsatisfied, confused. In none of the Oriental religions and/or philosophies could I find peace, warmth, true love. The negativity, pessimism, anger and even hatred were not reduced. Just empty senselessness, a soul that is cold.
For so long I have resisted the ever growing feelings of praying to Lord Christ and Holy Mother again. Finally I gave in and recited Christian prayers, first time in 30 years. What I have received in weeks to come I cannot describe here, for it would be treated with disbelief, or maybe even criticism. But in one word: I have received Grace.
For I can truly and joyously admit that since my return to Christianity my heart has warmed up, I was deeply touched, the words of Jesus Christ had meaning and fulfillment within me […] Feelings of love, wisdom, and real compassion followed. And the tears of repentance were flowing again on my face.
I have realized that I was searching for God all my life, I went all the way around looking for Him, yet the Lord has always been right in front of me. His love never left me even in the darkest of moments, no matter how strongly was I refusing Him, our Lord has never given up on me. It never mattered how unworthy I was, how I have betrayed Him and killed Him in my heart, Lord Jesus Christ was always ready to forgive me, and receive me back with open arms bestowing on me his unlimited love.
Moreover, I have returned to my true refuge: Holy Catholic Church.
To all who find something familiar in my story, those who are thinking of returning to Jesus Christ, or those who are involved in Buddhism or Hinduism I need to say this: […] Confession is far more an effective tool than any means of purification […]*. Just thinking of Christ and accepting Him brings peace that overshadows any eastern meditation. Our petitions to Holy Mary, Saints, and Angels do not fall on deaf ears, we do received their help, blessings, and protection unceasingly […]This is the true shower of blessings.
What I’ve wrote is based on my own experience […]
I find such truth in the saying of St.Fransis of Assisi: “I have been all things unholy. If God can work through me, He can work through everyone”.
Notes:
*) – isn’t it strange to prostrate before Buddhas, bodhisattvas, and deities (some strangely resembling demons) in a philosophy that advertises as “non-religion but a path” and advocates atheism?